The father to be

I started this blog because I am going to be a father. I once saw my fatherhood as a distant inevitability, something that would just one day happen like a beard or wrinkles. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like when my wife, my gorgeous wife, would walk out of the bathroom with the ept in her hand and look at me with a smile, but with eyes of terror.

We've been married for 9 years now. We went to high school together and dated for a couple weeks once, although she says it was nothing. I can still remember seeing her in the hallway of our small, rural Missouri school. I can still see her in her basketball uniform. I can still see her long hair. I can still see her cute butt. I loved that butt and I still do. I remember her dating a buddy of mine, after me of course, for a few years. I remember wanting to be with her again. And there she stood in our home, 15 years later, the home we earned together, the home we struggled for years to achieve - and there she was walking out of the master bathroom. The light from the bathroom put her face in a shadow as she walked toward me. She was happy to see the plus on the ept, I have no doubt, but she was uneasy. I can't blame her, so was I.

I wanted to start this blog because I think all the time. Angie calls it my hamster wheel. I am often kept up thinking about stuff, nothing specific except my project truck that's costing way too much money or our house that we paid way too much for or our family (Angie's family) that we don't see enough or my work or Angie's work or the squeaky bed or the attic fan that's too loud and will surely break before long or the trees on the property that need pruning and will certainly come though a window someday or ghosts or my dad or her dad or my career or lack of fashion sense. It's everything, but surely it is more nothing than everything.

My intention is to write about my thoughts. My thoughts usually center on our little baby that's growing inside Angie's belly. There she, yea it's a she and I couldn't be happier, is swimming inside her mom's belly. She's so close and I can't see her. I can't touch her. It's torture. She's not even born and the torture has begun.