So this is mostly about my upcoming baby girl, but there is a component about me. I mean, it's me typing this stuff right, so don't I get some me time in here? I know, I know, it'll all change once she comes - I know so let me have the time while I can and stop preaching about it.
I can't wait to meet her. I think she's teasing me all the time. She's moving around in Angie's belly all smug, just knowing that we want to see her. I know we have to wait. I know she's too little yet, just 2lbs, I know I have to be patient. I'm just excited to see her. The word of the blog could be excited, but nope, this one's about me. About me preparing my life for a new life. If I'm not right, it makes things difficult to make other things right - so there, there's my justification.
I want to know when it's right to leave a job. I struggle with where I'm clocking in every day. I have a good job - a job that I believe in doing - a job that has an honorable mission - a job that compensates me well - that has excellent benefits. My problem is the handling of assets and by assets I mean me - the worker, the boots on the ground, the one who provides the product that the agency was created to produce. I have a problem with how we are managed.
I, you see, am not a manager. I do not have all the information that they have when they make their manager decisions. I am not in the room when all the thoughts and considerations are made regarding the use of said resources (me). I do not know what is going on. I am only privy to the outcome.
I work at a job that must respond to accidents and so, we worker bees sit down every so often and pick weeks where you will be responsible for responding. We have many other things to do when we are not responding, so there's plenty of work to go around. It is understood that when you are on your week it is expected you will go wherever necessary - fine. You put your other cases on the back burner while you're on your week. Nothing old gets done only new cases are added. The trouble is when decisions are made that require you to respond when you are outside of your defined week, thereby affecting the schedule and everyone in the schedule.
My issue here isn't getting something when I'm not expected to get it, it is the bigger picture. They made a decision that they believe affects only one person when in fact it affects many people. It is thought that pulling the 'Joe string' affects only Joe, but in fact it affects 3 others. The way I look at it is this: we have a problem - getting assigned work outside defined parameters and we have a solution - keep to the schedule.
I don't know how, though, to communicate the solution to managers who don't agree that there's a problem in the first place. I don't know how to make them see that there is a problem to be solved. There's the usual 'old timers' in the office who say that it's always been this way. I don't agree that an old problem equates to no problem. I think an old problem equates to lack of foresight, understanding, and cooperation. Call me totally silly, but I think it's time for something to change.
I'm not quitting. I'm too responsible to do something so rash, but I am not happy. I worked too hard, sacrificed too much of my life to allow myself to end up like the old timers - jaded and narrow-minded. I refuse to ever say 'it is what it is' and go on. I want more out of my life. I believe if there's a better way, for anything, then why would you ever be content not living that better way? Why would I ever expect anything but the better way? Why would you ever expect anything less than the better way? I refuse to settle. I refuse to become wrinkled and crusty at a job that I hate.
News flash people - you bring your work home with you, everyday - mentally, psychologically, emotionally - everyday. It doesn't matter if you work as a door greeter, teaching other people's kids, or a doctor, or lawyer - you're going to take whatever happened in your day home with you to the one's that you so dearly love. I'm afraid of what working here will do to me. I'm afraid that working here will change me at home. I don't want to be this angry person, this frustrated person. I love my wife too much. I love my unborn little perfect girl too much. I love me too much. I'm not quitting, but I'm not happy and I don't know how to fix it. I have a problem, but no solution.
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